Tots and Pears

Right now I’m just taking things one day at a time. I’ve failed at Inktober… didn’t even get one drawing in. NaNoWriMo isn’t looking good, either. Oh well. I think 2020, for most of us, is about simply surviving. I think a lot of us have been knocked down at least a notch or two on Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs.

Thanks Trump.

In reality, I’m doing pretty well. I think I have all of those needs met with the exception of “Love/Belonging,” which is probably true for most of us single people during the pandemic. Where I might be a little lacking is “Esteem” because “respect by others” is hard to come by when you don’t interact with other people, and “achievement,” for us runners, is impossible when the air quality is above 100 and there are no races (virtual races just aren’t the same and can’t be run in poor air quality, anyway). Under “Self-actualization,” some of those can probably be achieved in isolation during a pandemic. I’m learning how to play the ukulele, for instance.

I do have a couple of friends I’ve been texting with more often lately. One is an old high school friend and the other lives here in Oregon. My mom has been calling me, too.

What I’ve been up to these days, is a lot of:

• Working from home – I have been since March 17th and there is no end in sight.
• Doomscrolling – I read a metric fuck-ton of news, but not on social media; I get my news on Feedly from the New York Times, Washington Post, CNN, NPR, OPB, Science Daily, Scientific American, Wired, Portland Mercury, Willamette Weekly, and a slew of infosec blogs. And just so things don’t get too heavy– satire from Allan Ishac, The Onion, and The Beaverton.
• Playing the ukulele – This is what I spend most of my spare time on when I’m not working, reading the news, cooking, or cleaning.
• Learning Spanish – I have an app on my phone I use, though admittedly, I’ve been slacking on it lately.
• Reading books – I’m getting up extra early now so I can read for an hour before work; nights weren’t working for me (reading puts me to sleep when I’m tired).
• Running and/or stationary bike riding – I’ve been trying to work that in during my lunch hours. If not, I do it right after work. I tried going to the gym once, but it was pretty sketchy with gym-goers wearing their masks down under their noses and half the equipment I use was put away (yoga balls, bosu balls, mats, TRX… anything people touch). Drinking fountain, pool, showers, sauna, steam room– all closed.  I might risk it if I didn’t have all of the equipment I do at home, but it’s not worth it, so there’s no point in going yet.
• Training – I’m not training for anything specific since there are no races, but despite the many setbacks this year, I am aimlessly training for some undefined number of miles for some undecided future race that may or may not occur. Basically I’m ever so slowly increasing mileage while throwing in a lot of cross-training. I just want to be in good shape. As far as my weight, well… we’re not going to talk about that. I’ve been drinking a lot lately.
• Cooking and cleaning – I’ve been doing a ton of deep cleaning since the fires because when that wind was blowing, I had all of my windows open. Everything was covered in dust and permeated with soot. So I’ve been deep cleaning everything, like picture frames, tops of appliances, cupboards, bookshevles… I’ve found dust on all of it. Even my closet doors which are mirrors, had a thin film on them from the smoke. Ugh.

I did finally get air purifiers, though the one for the living room took three weeks to get here. So there’s one in the living room and smaller ones in each of our bedrooms. The goal, at this point, is to be more prepared for next summer’s fire season. Now I’m wondering what the fuck could happen next and what we should do to prepare?  De-icer and snow shovels? Sand bags? A generator? After all, 2020 isn’t over yet.   /dumpsterfire.jpg

Oh and for the record, I never actually wanted the Trumpster Fire to die from Covid-19. I just wanted him to be on a ventilator awhile, then become a long-hauler. Death is too quick for him; he should have to suffer.

So! The ukulele! This is the one thing I’m the most engrossed in aside from fitness. In fact, I think I’ve already outgrown the cheap entry-level concert uke I bought. This week I ordered a tenor ukulele from Enya Music. It’s a cutaway, acoustic-electric and I asked them to string it with a low G string for me. I’m so excited! I should be getting it on Thursday. I don’t have an amp or anything, but someday I want to get an amp and a looper. Right now I can’t play any one song well because I’ve been going down YouTube rabbit holes, so I’m working on narrowing it down to a list of one song from each decade going back to the 1960s. Then I’ll print out the tabs and chords, turn off the computer, and put them on a music stand I bought so I’m not so distracted and can actually practice. I’ve been tracking my progress on YouTube. I record myself playing a song. It’s kind of silly and I’m terrible at it, but it’s fun. This week I did “Hurt,” the acoustic cover of the NIN song by Johnny Cash.

Well, time’s up (I’m trying to engage in all of my hobbies and self-care today without wasting too much time on reading the news). I gave myself from 11:00am to 12:00pm to write, so I’m done for now.

I had never heard of George Atiyeh until recently, when news broke that he was missing and they explained who he was. His remains were found on his property and his house completely burned down from the Beachie Creek fire. Despite never having heard of him before last week, I’m taking his death pretty hard. It’s just not fair. It’s not fair that good people like him have to die and a monstrosity like Donald Trump is in charge of the entire country.

It’s not fair at all… so not fair.  :*(

George Atiyeh began as a miner, then he was a logger. He then turned environmentalist and spent a good part of his life fighting to protect the old growth forest at Opal Creek. He succeeded in protecting it.

I regret that I had only taken one day to hike that area, and I was in such poor shape at the time, I didn’t even hike the entire trail. I didn’t take my good camera, either. It was one of those years I took my birthday off and went for a hike. That was the trail I chose that year for my birthday; it was in 2014.

That wilderness area has now burned and will never look the same. George’s heart won’t be broken by the devastation; on the other hand, he won’t be alive to see it bounce back.

Rest in trees, George.  THANK YOU.

Definition of precedent, according to Merriam-Webster:
1 : an earlier occurrence of something similar
2a : something done or said that may serve as an example or rule to authorize or justify a subsequent act of the same or an analogous kind a verdict that had no precedent
b : the convention established by such a precedent or by long practice
3 : a person or thing that serves as a model

Unprecedented sickness. Unprecedented economic downturn. Unprecedented civil unrest. Unprecedented violence. Unprecedented natural disasters.

These things have all happened all around the world, and most of them right here in the United States. We’ve had the 1918 flu pandemic, the Great Depression, the Riots of 1968, Hurricane Katrina, and several 7.0+ earthquakes in California and 9.0+ in Alaska. Last year, Australia experienced fires much like we are now.

None of this is new.

What’s new and different about all of this, why people are calling it “unprecedented,” perhaps is that it’s all happening at the same time and we have a completely inept president.

Donald Trump should be arrested and charged with, at the very least, treason and sexual harassment. He is a complete failure and an embarrassment.

I am utterly exhausted, and it seems there’s no end to my exhaustion. It’s really hard to keep up with a healthy lifestyle when I’m so busy panic shopping, constantly disinfecting everything, then once I finally feel like life is coming back together– packing for a possible evacuation. I did leave for a couple of days until the level 1 evacuation orders were lifted. Then there was the smoke. Our AQI here got as high as 743 one day, then hovered around 500 for days… sometimes, if we were lucky, it would dip down to about 350. One day I got really excited when it was 250, then it went back up to 500. We went through that for 10 days, and those 10 days felt like an eternity. Now I’m busy dusting, vacuuming, and washing everything because literally everything in the house is covered and/or permeated with smoke (soot particles). Or dirt. Or both. The wind blew so hard, the place filled with dust and brought down a few big limbs on trees on the property. I’m almost done.

I also ordered three air purifiers, and of course they arrived on the day our smoke blew out of here. Oh well, our inside air could still use a good scrubbing. Actually only two of them arrived, one for each bedroom. The bigger one for downstairs was never delivered, so now I need to deal with that– figure out where the hell it is. I wonder if they got confused because I ordered a 2-pack of the smaller ones plus a big one, so it indicated “two items,” when in fact, there should have been three total.  But there were two in the box. Sigh. I was afraid of that when I ordered them. They seem like pretty good little filters, I’m looking forward to getting the one for the room where the cats spend most of their time and where it was the smokiest, which was downstairs.

Good grief. Smoke. Was. Everywhere. I grew up in Boise, and Idaho burns every year, so this is what they call “September” there. However, I have never seen anything like this. Never before have I seen so much smoke and for so long. These fires are devastating. I’m not taking it very well, either. I’ve been depressed and crying a lot. It’s almost too much, you know, after the gorge burning just three years ago. They did manage to save the best part of Silver Falls State Park, but so many small towns where destroyed. People lost their homes, some died… a 12-year-old boy and a 13-year-old boy died. One of them died with his grandmother, and the 13-year-old’s mother was so badly burned, her husband didn’t recognize her.

I can’t even imagine how painful this must be for these people, because they’re not just losing homes and lives, they’re losing their beautiful wilderness– our beautiful wilderness.  I can’t look at the photos and videos of trees burning, it pains me too much. Every time I see it, I break down crying. I don’t take fire very well. It’s so destructive.

Vida was one of the towns destroyed, and I wonder what became of the Bed & Breakfast J.M. and I stayed at the weekend we watched the comet. It was on four acres of land on the McKenzie River. So beautiful, I would have gone there again for a weekend away myself if I could afford it.

Speaking of J.M., he picked a fight with me the night we went up to see the Perseid meteor shower. He suddenly turned cold and cruel, would not discuss anything with me, and was just… an asshole. Then he ghosted me for a day and a half and proceeded to break up with me via text message.

Bullet dodged, I guess. I always kind of suspected he might be a heavier drug user than he let on, but I thought, “Nah… it couldn’t be meth.” That night he was acting like he had been on a bender and crashed, because he slept through our date, and when I wasn’t having any of that, he lashed out at me. I’m probably better off, but it makes me wonder– are all men this shitty? Because it seems like all men are this shitty. Not a single one of them are who they portray themselves to be on their dating profiles.

Speaking of shitty people– and back to the fires– only TWO people reached out to me to see if I was OK.  Neither of them were a parent, either. In fact, if I’d never told either of my parents about the fires, they would have been completely fucking clueless. My mom would be because she just doesn’t consume any news. And my dad and stepmom would be because they have no fucking idea where I live because they’ve never been here.

As for my friends– two.  One lives in the PDX metro area, and the other in Boise. My coworkers were the most engaged when it came to how we were doing and if we had a place to go if we needed to evacuate. One of them even offered to let me stay at his place, and another left an open invitation for the entire IT department at theirs.

Then I get on Fark and see people arguing over whether the residents of Molalla are hillbillies or rednecks and all they can talk about is that and the fact that they’re Trump supporters. OK, yes, Trump supporters are ill-informed and… well, we just don’t really like them. But this– this is something that no one deserves, and to see these people being denigrated really bothers me. The people who have lost their homes and everything they had… they are still people. They have (had) homes, pets, families, etc. just like the rest of us. I can’t stand to see people so cruel and heartless.

This is why we can’t have nice things!

I just finished reading How Fascism Works by Jason Stanley, and yes, Donald Trump is a fascist. However, by playing into “us vs. them,” that asshole is getting exactly what he wants. He is sowing division and it’s working. By definition, if we hate Republicans because they’re different, we’re not any better than they are. Liberal democracy is based on empathy and compassion for other people. Yes, of course we wish Republicans were more empathetic and compassionate, but they’re not going to get that way on their own or with us name-calling. We need to lead by example.

I used to work with a woman who lives in a small rural town on a farm. She was quite conservative. But rather than ignoring her and thinking she was stupid for being conservative, I had lunch with her every day for three years. Over the course of that three years, I calmly and rationally explained my views and why I hold them. I also showed her news articles, facts, statistics, etc., all from reliable sources. And after three years, she was ready to vote for Bernie Sanders.

I’m not saying protests are unnecessary; of course they are. In fact, I acknowledge that nothing gets done via peaceful protests. Regarding police brutality and police killings of Black men and women, I have my own opinions and they are very unpopular. But when it comes to other, less deadly matters, such as a social safety net, feminism, etc… minds can only be changed one at a time, and through thoughtful conversation. I was able to change one mind through daily lunches over three years, but arguing on the Internet doesn’t do shit.

I’m just so tired of the red vs. blue, and I 100% blame Donald Trump. What really gets me is that he’s saying, “This is Joe Biden’s America.” WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING MORON, YOU ARE CURRENTLY PRESIDENT. THIS IS DONALD TRUMP’S AMERICA.

Fuck that asshole.

In other news, since WordPress kept hounding me about upgrading PHP and browsers kept hounding me about upgrading TLS, I finally requested an upgrade with my web hosting company. They migrated my site to another server, so now I have PHP 7.4 and TLS 1.2. It broke a bunch of things, but I had backups, so I just did a clean installation of WordPress and phpMyAdmin and restored my backups. Now everything is up to date and working well, with one minor glitch– I use “featured photos” on posts, and most of those have been… un-featured. Oh well, no biggie. It’s not worth going back and editing every past post to put them back on.

Also, before shit hit the fan with the fires around here, I had begun some new routines. I had to halt them temporarily partially due to lack of clean air, partially due to lack of time (I actually did pack everything valuable in my car including the cats and went north for two days), and partially due to depression and anxiety surrounding “OMG we’re at Level 1 evacuation and Canby just went to Level 2” and then the entire area turning into a dark orange, smokey hellscape and being essentially a prisoner in my own home for 10 days.

I was (am now again, I suppose, as soon as I regain my bearings and sanity) back to drinking 90 ounces of water every day, working out, running, taking my vitamins, learning Spanish, and learning how to play the ukulele. The ukulele is the one thing I’m still doing, just not for an hour every evening like I was. I can play a handful of songs including “Stand By Me,” “Hotel California,” and the first part (intro and verses) of “Stairway To Heaven.” I can also mostly do “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran, and sometimes I challenge myself by trying to play along with YouTubers who do tutorials on more challenging songs. I know enough chords now that I can’t really tell you how many I know. I’ve picked it up pretty quickly, and if I get really good at it, I might try the guitar someday. We’ll see. It’s a lot of fun. I love it.

Well, it’s 8:00 and I get up at 4:00, so I’m going to bed. Tonight will be the second night with my new air purifier, but today I washed my bedding and used my neti pot, so I’m anxious to see how I feel in the morning. I’ve been having trouble sleeping since the fires started.

Good night, whomever reads this.