The featured photo on this post is an Herb Robert. They’re tiny flowers and I took this photo with three extension tubes, three diopters, and a tripod. The extension tubes let in so little light, it took 20 tries to get this one due to the slight breeze that was blowing. Ideally I would have used focus stacking to get the whole thing in focus, but I was pleased nonetheless to have gotten the individual grains of pollen. With the equipment I was using and the breeze blowing, getting enough good shots to do focus stacking may have been impossible.
This is going to be a long one. You know what’s funny? On Monday a drunk driver crashed into the very establishment that gave my son and I Norovirus. Hahahahaha.
I don’t know where to start here, so I’ll make a list. Things have been changing a lot around here and with me since my grandparents and cats all passed away. I know it might sound a little strange that all four of my elderly loved ones passed away within just 15 months, but they were all technically around the same age. My grandpa was 90, grandma was 89, and the cats were, in human years, ~98 when each of them passed away. I’ll start with the biggest changes and work my way down to the small ones and the fun stuff.
Finances
The deaths of my grandparents, although heartbreaking, gave my mom and I a little breathing room, financially. My mom and her husband had resorted to going to the food bank and family was sending them Hello Fresh boxes. Now they can afford to buy food and they were able to buy a new car outright, so they have reliable transportation which they need out there in the middle of nowhere. My mom has been spending a little frivolously in my opinion, but I suppose a tractor to plow snow and a new refrigerator are practical purchases. The car they bought is a Subaru Crosstrek. I still worry because my mom has always been terrible with money. She’s never been one to save. She once told me she is getting $150/month from her Roth IRA, and it’s “almost depleted.” I did the math and that means she only had about $5,000 in it. I doubt she had any of it invested in stocks or bonds.
Because my mom tends to let money burn a hole in her pocket and she doesn’t believe in hoarding it like my grandparents did, she gave a bunch of it to me. She told me it’s because she has nothing to leave me when she dies. I guess that’s fair since I grew up in abject poverty partially because of her spending habits (and because she was divorced and dad never paid child support that I knew of, aside from five years of private school tuition). I just hope she stops giving it away and spending it now.
My mom first gave me a $10k check when my grandpa passed away. I talked about that already and how I didn’t want to spend it because it was grandpa’s. So I kept it in savings and now it’s in a high yield savings account (currently 4.75% interest). Then she put me on a joint account with $19k of grandpa’s money in it. She said to use it for whatever I need and that when she sold some of my grandparents’ property, she’d add to it so I could pay off my student loans. I used it to make student loan payments, but within a couple of months she then handed me a check for $35k to pay off my student loans. So I did that, then split the $19k between two CDs and high yield savings.
At that point, since I finally felt like I was able to save a little, I started trimming some fat off my budget where I could. Then I increased my 401(k) contribution to 5% and opened Roth IRA and brokerage accounts. I adjusted my automatic savings and investment transfers to higher amounts and added $200/month to my mortgage payment so as to have it paid off by my 67th birthday (retirement age). I made a few sacrifices, but was determined to save save save as much as possible while still affording myself a few little luxuries such as concert tickets, another trip to the sunstone mines, and some new clothes.
While I was in bed sick with Norovirus, I checked my email and saw something from the bank saying my transaction was complete. I knew I hadn’t made any transactions, so I logged in and saw an amount had been deposited that exactly equaled the amount I owed on my mortgage. I texted my mom with, “What did you do?” She said she wanted me to pay off my mortgage. I knew she had sold one property near Hood Canal in Washington that my grandparents owned, and she kept that money. Then she sold off a couple of acres of land next to the cabin in Cle Elum and that’s where my student loan payoff money had come from. For her to be able to give me $136k, I figured she had to have sold the land they lived on. That has been a very long process because they had to clean out the house and take what they wanted and have an estate sale for the rest. Then they had to deal with squatters.
The land they lived on is across the road from Lake Sammamish. I looked it up and it sold on April 17th for $580k. I’d previously seen it listed for $699,900. It probably sold for less because the house will need to be demolished and from what little I know about the property, it can’t have a subdivision or even more than one house on it because the back area is categorized as a wetland. I doubt it’s on city plumbing; I think it has a well and might even have a septic tank. Whomever bought it was likely some rich person who paid cash for it and will build a McMansion on it. It’s only 1.06 acre, but it has a nice view of the lake and is right in the heart of Microsoft Land. The high price is 100% due to location. My mom had looked into getting the house demolished herself to increase the value, but the cost was prohibitive at $30k. So, obviously, the price needed to be knocked down at least that much.
Anyway, I thanked my mother profusely and proceeded to request a payoff statement from my mortgage lender. Then I went to the bank and had a wire transfer done, and now my condo is paid off. Don’t get too excited, that just brings my housing expenses back down to what they were in 2014 before everything became absurdly expensive. My mortgage payment itself was only $695; everything else is property taxes, insurance, and HOA fees. So all of this means I’ll be paying a total of $973/month for housing instead of $1,796. Of course my income has increased 118% since 2014, so I’m still coming out way ahead… until everything I’m paying goes up again. Owning a condo with an HOA does not insulate owners from the same kinds of increases renters see.
My HOA fees have increased by $280/month over the last three years because of previous board of directors’ ignorance and gross negligence. They never raised fees more than $5-10 a month per year for about 20 years. By 2020, the budget had such egregious shortfalls that operating expenses were coming out of reserves and reserves were dangerously low. Maintenance and repairs as well as major water leaks were neglected. Now that we have only one ignoramus on the board and she’s no longer the chairperson, things are finally getting done. But that means we’re having to pay a lot more each month. We need at least $1M in reserves and as of now, well… I don’t know how much we have because they are neglecting to communicate, but I was treasurer last year and I’m guessing we may be getting close to $300k by now.
Now that I have zero debt (aside from the credit cards that I pay off every month so they don’t count), I’m finally able to save more. I increased the 401(k) contribution to 7%, and increased the amount that goes into savings and the Roth IRA and brokerage accounts. Now I’m fine-tuning my IRA and brokerage stock and bond allocations so I don’t end up losing my shirt in the stock market. I recently learned that Fidelity has an analysis tool so you can see if your investments are too heavily weighted with stocks or bonds or in any one sector. Apparently I need more mortgage-backed bonds and fewer government bonds and for the IRA, less stocks and more bonds (less risk for my age).
The other piece to the financial changes is no longer having any pets. That’s going to save me some money because I’ll no longer be buying food, litter, litter box liners, pee pads, toys, etc. I’m not buying bird food anymore either. I still have a big bad of peanuts for Max, but I’m rationing them. He’s back, by the way. He leaves for the winter and for a few weeks in the summer, but he always comes back. I was missing him and waiting for him, then one day I saw him plop himself down on the edge of my fence and look at me like, “Hey, lady! Where are my peanuts!?”
The Condo
Since I no longer have any pets and never will again, I’ve replaced everything the cats destroyed and was waiting to replace until they were gone. I started with the small things, like the tablecloth and placemats. I replaced the ugly old brown ones with a beige tablecloth and beige placemats with birds on them. The beige matches the new couch I bought.
The cats had destroyed my couch and loveseat, so I went to the Northwest Furniture Outlet in Canby and bought a new couch, swivel chair, and coffee table. They were delivered a few weeks ago and at the same time, the delivery guys hauled away the old pieces. Since the swivel chair replaced the loveseat, it opened up enough room to bring my dining table out from the corner so more than one person can use it. There was also a lot of open space near the front entry where the cat stuff was, so I put the bookcase where the cat tree was and got a little bench with storage to go in the entry near the coat rack. Since the bookcase is now gone from my bedroom, I put the dresser where it was and hung my ukuleles on the wall above it. The area where the dresser was now has just a stool, amp, and music stand. That’s now my music corner.
I took a few days of PTO to get some stuff done around here and accomplished most of what I’d set out to do, the major project being cleaning out my bedroom closet. I’ll continue purging, cleaning, and reorganizing in iterations throughout winter each year.
The patio screen door was another thing the cats destroyed. But rather than replace the screening, I got a whole new door. The rubber seal on it got too soft when it got warm and it fell out of the track and wouldn’t open unless I yanked on it from the inside. The guy who came to measure the old one said it was a “heavy duty” one and that with no pets, I can just get a standard one and it won’t be so heavy and fall down and out of the track like this one is doing. He also fixed my bedroom window screen for me. I was going to have him make me a new one because I couldn’t get it out to wash the windows, but it turns out the previous owner had put it in upside down. He got it out and fixed it for me.
Two weekends ago I pressure washed the patio and sidewalks, then got the big long pole and squeegee out and washed all of the windows. Then I fed my patio plants, put the yellowjacket traps out, and set up the patio furniture.
That’s about it for the condo for now. I’m saving up for new flooring on the stairs and upstairs hall and bathroom. My next ‘dream project’ is to have the same guys come back who did my downstairs flooring. I want them to tear out the carpet and bathroom linoleum and put in all the same flooring as I have downstairs. I’d like it to go up the stairs and into the hall and bathroom, and stop right at the bedrooms. I do not want to mess with the furniture in the bedrooms, so I’d leave the carpet in there for now and just have them stretch the carpet in my bedroom. I’d also like all new baseboards upstairs to match the downstairs. I think what I’ll do is wait until I have about $6k saved and call and have them give me a quote. Then I’ll go from there.
More Rambling About Finances
The only thing I’m really concerned about is the economy. I definitely do not want to spend any large sums of money before the November election. If Tangerine Tyrant wins, I’ll hold onto every penny I have for dear life. If Biden wins, I can breathe a sigh of relief and start planning the flooring. If Fuckface wins, there’s no telling what might happen. Just his stupid tariffs alone will cause a minimum 10% increase in prices for everything that’s imported (which is most things).
So, in a nutshell, I’m now debt-free and squirreling away $1,600/month between retirement accounts, 401(k) employer matching, emergency savings, large purchase savings, and investments. Each account is earmarked for something. The brokerage account is what I have set aside for home improvements because that’s the most volatile. It’ll go up and down. If it goes down, I just won’t have as much. But that’s why it’s the home improvement account and not the emergency savings one (that’s the HYS account).
I only have $36k saved for retirement, so it’s not as if I’ve suddenly struck it rich. I’m just now getting my head above water, at the age of 49. I’ll be 50 later this year, and I should have at least half a million by now. As it stands now, my “emergency fund” is only four months of living expenses (with no savings or retirement contributions). My goal is to get six months saved (rounded up to $15k). My other goal is to save up enough for a down payment on a future new car to not have a monthly payment higher than $200-$300. I’m putting $150/month toward that (in another HYS account) and that’s what the CDs are for. As soon as my car hits 15 years, 100,000 miles, or starts having problems, I’ll let those CDs mature, not let them auto renew, and put them toward the car. I have the auto transfer to savings set to never end in my budget, so I’ll always be saving for the next car.
Personal Stuff
I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately, so I took a PTO day yesterday with the intention of having four-day weekend to figure shit out. Yesterday I did fuck-all except sleep in and take a four-mile walk. I’ve done fuck-all today as well. I got up, did my morning routine, cooked breakfast, and sat down to write this. I took a short break to watch some porn and masturbate, and now I’m back at it.
The problem is that I don’t seem to have time to do anything except work, housework, yardwork, and volunteer work. It’s all… work. I don’t do anything else. I don’t have time to do anything else, and if I do have extra time in the evening I’m too tired to do anything but watch Netflix.
It probably doesn’t help that I’ve started smoking weed the old fashioned way, which makes it a lot harder to properly dose with the goal of simply beating insomnia. I wind up high as fuck. Haha. I will admit, it has been fun to try new strains. So far my favorites are… no longer in stock. Probably because they’re everyone else’s favorites, too. I prefer a good 50/50 sativa/indica hybrid with both limonene and pinene terpenes. Apparently preliminary research suggests limonene helps fight anxiety and is relaxing (less chance of paranoia as a result), whereas pinene is thought to protect against short-term memory loss and may even lower some risk of dementia.
I found a few strains that have both terpenes and are a 50/50 hybrid. Not much is known about Frozen Kombucha, but it’s quickly become one of my favorites. The others that I sought out for their terpenes are MAC and Carbon Fiber. Carbon Fiber tastes just like the stuff we got in the 1990s, back when everything was just a “dime bag” and neither strains nor terpenes were discussed. The MAC is great, but it’s soooo stinky, it’s almost worth not buying again just because it’s a little hard to avoid my neighbors knowing what I’m doing. (Although it’s legal and I’m no longer being tested, this is a small town and I don’t want it getting back to my employer. It’s also none of their business.) Unfortunately, Frozen Kombucha and Carbon Fiber are no longer available at the nearest dispensaries.
At any rate, yes, smoking it is bad for you and very stinky. But it’s also the cheapest way. Things like gummies and vape cartridges and especially tinctures are way more expensive than just buying flower. The strains I’ve bought range from $4 to $14 per gram, and for me it only takes a tiny little piece to feel the effects. If you’re doing it for insomnia and pain, smoking it is the most cost effective. I also like the taste and smell of it, to be honest. But if you really want to battle insomnia, gummies are the way to go because you can get the 1:1:1 THC:CBD:CBN. I’m told the CBD is what puts you to sleep, but the CBN is what keeps you asleep. That’s my problem; I can fall asleep just fine, but I don’t stay asleep for very long. The Wyld Boysenberry gummies are good ones.
What I’m actually leaning toward is trying to be less organized and less structured and distance myself even further from the online world. Each day, I go through my to-do list to the point of obsession. I check things off every day. I have a home maintenance list for weekly, monthly, annual, etc. tasks. Those do need to be done, so I’m keeping that. But I’m no longer going to do certain chores on certain days just because it’s $day. I’m going to only vacuum and sweep when the floors are dirty and only take out the trash when it’s full. I’m going to only do food prep when I’m almost out of food and only clean the toilets when they’re dirty.
I need to do less work and have more fun.
Regarding physical fitness– I’m fucking dismal at that these days. So you know what I did? I deleted my Strava account and stopped wearing my Fitbit and Garmin watches. I spent way too much time obsessing over my “body battery,” resting heart rate, and other stupid shit like little virtual badges and “kudos” from so-called “friends” who quit talking to me just like everyone from Facebook.
I also deleted my Goodreads and Quora accounts.
Not only will I never go back to social media, I’m still deleting more and more accounts. I only have Fark, Slashdot, and Reddit left. I rarely read Fark anymore let alone log in, and they don’t allow account deletions anyway. I’m also rarely on Slashdot anymore and never log in. As for Reddit, I’m nothing more than a lurker. I’m just so done wasting my time on the Internet doing unproductive things.
I figure without obsessing over data, I can just go work out at the gym every other day, go for walks when I have some free time, and do whatever cardio needs to be done when I have time to do it. Or better yet, go hiking more. I’ll stretch when I feel stiff and just eat healthier foods and fewer calories rather than spending an hour a day recording shit on an app. Not being so data-obsessed or having people on social media see my every move is actually quite liberating. I will have no accountability, but I think that’s what I need. I need to do all the right things for me for all the right reasons, not because everyone’s watching.
The only exception is that I will wear my Garmin watch at the gym because you can upload workouts to it, and I’ll need it to tell me which machine to do next and how much weight to lift. If I don’t do that, I’ll forget.
That brings me to my next subject. Another reason I stopped wearing the fitness watches is because I’ve switched up my entire wardrobe. I still have jeans, t-shirts, and yoga pants, but I got new ones. I also got all new cardigan sweaters (better quality ones and in a few different styles). And… are you ready for this? Dresses. No, hell hasn’t frozen over. Not yet. I now own five dresses I can wear to work, four that I can’t because they’re too short or have a slit up the thigh, and one fancy cocktail dress. I also have nicer work pants and a couple of blouses. I’ve been wearing a dress with a cardigan to work at least two days a week the past few weeks. They’re mid-length and sleeveless, so I have to wear a cardigan because dress code (no exposed shoulders). I also got all new shoes for work and some tights. The shoes are Mary Janes and they’re pretty cute. I got pettipants to wear under the dresses so I don’t have to wear a slip or get the thigh chub rub.
This all started last year when I finally went through all of my jewelry and then got the sunstones. My mom and stepdad were giving me jewelry for Christmas for a while, and I felt bad that I wasn’t girly enough to wear it or even had some semblance of organization with it. My mom even gave me a jewelry box. So I finally took an entire Saturday and refurbished, cleaned, polished, and organized all of my jewelry. I also tossed out anything costume that was tarnished or chipped. Then I got the sunstone jewelry and the gold nugget pendant. So this year I replaced some old worn out and tarnished chains and black leather cords with some sterling silver and sterling silver with gold plating chains. I polished up the pendants again, put on the new chains, and they look fantastic.
So I bought two Timex watches. They aren’t terribly expensive, like $45 from Amazon. Both are analog. One is silver with a pink leather band and the other is a gold/silver stretchy bank with gold around the face (not real gold of course). They look nice. Now I have necklaces, earrings, and watches I can match with my outfits. I have a (I think) platinum Oregon Tech class ring and a black hills gold ring my mom gave me years ago. I’d love to get a rose gold one to match my sunstone necklace.
I’ve started wearing make-up a bit more often now and am applying it differently. I’ve also let my hair grow out long again and it has bouncy layers. All that’s left is shrinking down my size, but I’ll need to have more Old Navy rewards and Amazon rewards to get smaller dresses and sweaters when that happens! Until then, I do have all smaller sizes of my old clothes from the last weight loss venture organized into storage tubs under my bed to get me by.
I also got all new bras. No more underwire. New underwear and socks, too. Basically an entirely new wardrobe. I look a lot nicer now and feel better about myself as well. I feel much more professional at work. I even got a new cover for my ironing board and a new iron.
The challenge I’m facing really comes down to sleep. If I can sleep well, then I can get up early and go work out and my day gets off to a great start. If I don’t sleep well I hit the snooze button, don’t work out, don’t have enough time to pack a lunch, and it’s all downhill from there.
My goal over this holiday weekend is to figure out what I want to accomplish and when, and how to do it. I think the key is going to be not committing myself to so many things. I do like keeping a clean house, but without pets it won’t need to be cleaned as often. And without checking the Fitbit, Garmin, and Strava apps constantly, that’ll free up a few minutes. Not obsessing over how clean my house is will free up a few minutes. Every few minutes here and there will add up. I just need to re-prioritize. It’s time to put an end to the household cleaning projects and enjoy the weather!
Social Stuff
I haven’t had time for much of a social life, but I’m hoping that will change soon as well. I did buy three tickets to Imagine Dragons! The concert is in September and I’m planning on going with my son and his girlfriend. My mom and stepdad will be coming for a visit in August, and I’ll be meeting my dad and stepmom at the sunstone mines in July. I’m actually considering getting back into some light, casual dating sometime next month. I did some volunteer work at the park last weekend with coworkers and it was pretty fun. And now I have a living room I’m not embarrassed by. My dining table is finally out of the corner and where four people (six with a couple of extra chairs and not much room) can sit and eat.
The couch can seat three comfortably, and I have my own swivel chair. I could conceivably have friends over for dinner and movies or cocktails and games. Or a potential date. I don’t have a guest room anymore, but one day when I do convert that room back to a guest room, it’ll still have the daybed with a pull-out trundle to sleep two. I’ll just need to get new bedding for the main bed because my son has gotten grease stains on it from the forklift at work.
So anyway, about dating… light and casual. If I get back on OkCupid I’ll avoid answering any questions that relate to long-term relationships or sex. I think that and being open to non-monogamy will be the best way to avoid matching with the men on either side of the one-night-stand / marriage spectrum. I’ll also insist we meet in public the first few times and no sex until after several dates. And no sex without condoms. I’m going to take an entirely different approach this time and change up my profile. First I’ll need some new photos. Then I’m going to be straight and to the point about who I am, what I’m looking for, and what kind of person I’d like to meet. And no mention of long-term relationships or sex unless it’s to say that people often mistake me being nice for wanting a committed relationship.
Oh speaking of OkCupid, some guy texted me out of nowhere and asked if that was still my number. I had deleted him from my contacts, so I asked who it was. It was a guy I hooked up with a couple of times back in 2017. We texted more often than we saw each other. He was in this weird situation where he was divorced but still living with his ex because, you know, housing. He was also poly and if I remember correctly, we stopped seeing each other because things just weren’t going anywhere and the timing was all wrong.
I texted him back and we chatted for the rest of the evening, then I never heard from him again. Fucking weird. The old me would have jumped on that and asked to see him or texted him again and tried to stay in contact. But the new me just doesn’t give a fuck. He obviously isn’t interested in seeing me, and I don’t need to waste my time on men who don’t want to see me. He was pretty cute and the sex was great. He was actually one of the last good ones before Covid turned single men into disrespectful assholes who aren’t even good at sex. I wouldn’t necessarily object to seeing him again, but only for lunch or something equally casual. But I’m not going to text him again. If he wants to see me, he’ll text. It’s just unlikely he will, so… moving on…
I haven’t had sex in over a year and frankly, I don’t miss it. It’s not worth having to deal with the men to get the mediocre sex. I can masturbate on my terms and not have to deal with disrespect, poor performance, bad breath, or someone falling asleep next to me and snoring. I hate having to kick men out of my bed, but I absolutely will.
Alright, I think that’s all I have. My focus has solely been on improving the look of my home and myself. I think now it’s time to switch back to my physical and mental health. Something interesting I noticed is that since I started doing cannabis, I no longer really enjoy the taste of alcohol. Last night I tried a Manhattan (one of my favorites) and to me it tasted disgusting. It might just be the vermouth. I’ll try a fruity drink next time and see how that goes down. When I saw on the news that daily or near-daily cannabis use has surpassed daily alcohol use, I felt so called out. Heh.
But really, I need to cut back on the weed and the booze and eat healthier and drink more water. I’d like to see myself only have a cocktail during social occasions or on a Friday night and reserve the weed for bedtime or a Sunday afternoon. Or even a social occasion!
Things in my life are constantly changing and they always have. I used to think that was the case for all people, but I’m learning that’s not the case when someone I haven’t talked to for several years texts me. More often than not, they haven’t changed but I have.
